Jigsaw's Lair
by Ready Or Notxx
Summary: John decided to create a new website... And these are the results. Hints at different pairings! Watch our loved and hated ones act like idiots...
1. Amanda's Chest

Wanted a funny fic. Here it is. Listen to the conversations that our favorite Saw characters share. This will be an ongoing, long-time thing, so look forward to it. Yes, I know there are a lot of things like this. No, I don't care.

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_**JIGSAW'S LAIR**_

_A user-friendly website for all of your voyeurs, perverse peg-legs, junkie bitches, boy-gets-girl-pregnant-girl-loses-baby-boy-becomes-serial-killer serial killers, coffee addicts, overly relaxed drug addicts, and more. Enjoy yourselves while you chat!_

_**Current Members:**_**  
><strong>_DISTASTEFUL—_**John Kramer**_**  
><strong>__HopelessRomantic – _**Adam Faulkner  
><strong>_SawSawSawYourFoot –_**Lawrence Gordon  
><strong>_IAmAwesomeBeotch—_**Amanda Young  
><strong>_SexiestManAlive—_**Mark Hoffman  
><strong>_HappyPills—_**Mallick Scott  
><strong>_BoomGoesMyHead—_**Jill Tuck  
><strong>_FUCKIN'NEEDLES—_**Xavier Chavez  
><strong>_WeirdoInYourCloset—_**Zep Hindle**

_HopelessRomantic has logged in._

**HopelessRomantic: **Lawrence. Get your ass on the computer. I know you're not working and you're just playing solitaire in your office.

_SawSawSawYourFoot has logged in._

**SawSawSawYourFoot: **Hehehe~! You know me so well, Adam. I'm just hiding from Zep. He's been… watching me with interest lately.

_IAmAwesomeBeotch has logged in._

_HappyPills has logged in._

_WeirdoInYourCloset has logged in._

_DISTASTEFUL has logged in._

**DISTASTEFUL: **Ah, Adam, Lawrence. I see you are enjoying my new website.

**HopelessRomantic: **It'd be perfect if you'd tell Amanda to quit stalking me.

**IAmAwesomeBeotch: **I AM NOT STALKING YOU! I AM SIMPLY OBSERVING YOUR WAY OF LIFE!

**HopelessRomantic: **Stalker.

**SawSawSawYourFoot: **Ms. Young?

**IAmAwesomeBeotch: **Yus.

**SawSawSawYourFoot: **Should I even ask why you chose that as your username?

**IAmAwesomeBeotch: **Cuz I am awesome. That's all there is to it.

**HappyPills: **IT IS GRAMATICALLY INCORRECT.

**HopelessRomantic: **Huh?

**SawSawSawYourFoot: **Huh?

**DISTASTEFUL: **Huh?

**IAmAwesomeBeotch: **Huh?

**WeirdoInYourCloset: **Hrrm?

**HopelessRomantic: **Zep, you ruined it.

**HappyPills: **Your username is grammatically incorrect, Amanda. First of all, that's not how you spell bitch. Second of all, you have no punctuation.

**DISTASTEFUL: **HYPOCRASY IS DISTASTEFUL!

**HappyPills: **Being a cavewoman like yourself, Amanda, you could easily confused someone who's trying to interpret your language. Like, you could be saying "I am awesome beotch" as "I am an awesome bitch." Or you could be saying, "I am awesome, bitch," which is offensive.

**DISTASTEFUL: **I am not a bitch… ):

**HappyPills: **No. You're just a crazy serial killer who likes to run around with younger men and teach them lessons in small, cramped spaces.

_SexiestManAlive has logged in._

**SexiestManAlive: **DON'T. FUCKING. REMIND. ME.

_SexiestManAlive has just logged out._

**IAmAwesomeBeotch: **You ARE all bitches. I'm awesome, and that's why I get to show off my chest in front of John.

**DISTASTEFUL: **O.O

**SawSawSawYourFoot: **What the bloody fuck?

**HopelessRomantic: **It's okay, Lawrence. SHIELD YOUR EYES!

_IAmAwesomeBeotch has just posted a photo on her profile. _

"_Damn I'm a Sexy Beotch"__ – Amanda Young_

**HoplelessRomantic: **QUICK! BLOCK HER ASS! BLOCK HER!

_HopelessRomantic has blocked IAmAwesomeBeotch._

_SawSawSawYourFoot has blocked IAmAwesomeBeotch._

_HappyPills has blocked IAmAwesomeBeotch._

**HappyPills: **Thank God.

**WeirdoInYourCloset: **Amanda has a nice chest. (:

_HopelessRomantic has logged off._

_SawSawSawYourFoot has logged off._

_HappyPills has logged off. _

_DISTASTEFUL has logged off._

**IAmAwesomeBitch: **ARE YOU FOUR IMPLYING THAT I DON'T HAVE A NICE CHEST? HOW ABOUT MY ASS!

_WeirdoInYourCloset has logged off._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Review. XD Nicely, please.


	2. The Genius Opening Sequence

Wanted to go ahead and update this before I posted my friend's birthday fic, since I knew it would be really quick and easy. Like Adam. :D

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_**JIGSAW'S LAIR**_

_We are not responsible for any deaths that may occur during your usage of this site._

_**Current Members:**_**  
><strong>_DISTASTEFUL—_**John Kramer**_**  
><strong>__HopelessRomantic – _**Adam Faulkner  
><strong>_SawSawSawYourFoot –_**Lawrence Gordon  
><strong>_IAmAwesomeBeotch—_**Amanda Young  
><strong>_SexiestManAlive—_**Mark Hoffman  
><strong>_HappyPills—_**Mallick Scott  
><strong>_BoomGoesMyHead—_**Jill Tuck  
><strong>_FUCKIN'NEEDLES—_**Xavier Chavez  
><strong>_WeirdoInYourCloset—_**Zep Hindle  
><strong>_FUCKME—_**Evan Bennington  
><strong>_Madi-ness—_**Madi Schwem  
><strong> 

_HopelessRomantic has logged on._

**HopelessRomantic: **KISS ME. KI-KI-KISS ME. INFECT ME WITH YOUR LOVE AND FILL ME WITH YOUR POISON.

_FUCKME has logged on._

**FUCKME: **Oh GOD, not Katy Perry. Please, Adam, please.

**HopelessRomantic: **TAKE ME. TA-TA-TAKE ME. WANT TO BE YOUR VICTIM, READY FOR ABDUCTION.

_SexiestManAlive has logged on._

**SexiestManAlive: **THAT'S RIGHT, ADAM-BEAR. OUT-SING THE SINGER.

**HopelessRomantic: **BOY, YOU'RE AN ALIEN. YOUR TOUCH SO FOREIGN. IT'S SUPERNATURAL. EXTRATERRESTRIAL.

_Madi-ness has logged on._

**Madi-ness: **OH MY BUTTER BANANA JESUS. I love that song! In faaaaaaact… I just made a YouTube vid for you and Lawrence with it, Adam-bear.

**FUCKME: **What the hell is with you and your advertising? First you were doing it yourself, then you got SALJStella doing it.

_WeirdoInYourCloset has logged on._

**Madi-ness: **Hey, I didn't ASK her to do that. She did it out of her own awesome, kind, free will.

**HopelessRomantic: **Plus Stella's awesome. (:

**WeirdoInYourCloset: **I KNOW RIGHT. I MEAN, SHE WRITES THE BEST STUFF.

**FUCKME: **Zep, I didn't know you read slash.

**WeirodInYourCloset: **My name is Zep. I'm a very interesting person.

_WeirdoInYourCloset has logged off._

**Madi-ness: **When you get right down to it, he's not a very well man.

_BoomGoesMyHead has logged on._

**BoomGoesMyHead: **Everyone! I have exciting news!

**SexiestManAlive: **Oh, Jill, someone left you a voice-mail? I'm so happy for you, dear!

**BoomGoesMyHead: **No, I

**BoomGoesMyHead: **NO, HOFFMAN.

**FUCKME: **xD

**Madi-ness: **So what happened?

**FUCKME: **Jill, honey, did you finally get that wine stain out of your carpet?

**BoomGoesMyHead: **Alcohol has never been in my mouth and never will be.

**HopelessRomantic: **Just like something else that will never be in your mouth.

**Madi-ness: **I salute you, biscuit bunny. XD

**SexiestManAlive: **Wait, Jill. Since when do you not drink?

**BoomGoesMyHead: **Hoffman, I know you're a meathead, but I didn't think you couldn't read.

**SexiestManAlive: **What about Saw VI when you were half-drunk over wine and obsessing over John and Gideon?

**FUCKME: **That was funny. (: Gideon, Gideon, Gideon.

_DISTASTEFUL has logged on._

**DISTASTEFUL: **WHO WAS QUOTING ME!

**FUCKME: **Uh. I was.

**DISTASTEFUL: **No, Mr. Bennington, I will not fuck you.

**FUCKME: **All I get from that is the horrible image of your moldy penis from Saw IV.

**SexiestManAlive: **D:

**Madi-ness: **Just think about it, everyone. That thing was in Jill's vagina.

**HopelessRomantic: **I'm going to put my brain in the microwave now. -_-

**Madi-ness: **It probably might've been in Amanda's vagina once or twice. And in Hoffman's ass hole.

**SexiestManAlive: **That's a conspiracy theory! Those photos were obviously doctored!

**HopelessRomantic: **He calls himself Bob and he gives me the money up front. Two hundred bucks a night. If I'd known I was gonna end up here, I would've asked for a hell of a lot more…

**BoomGoesMyHead: **Guys?

**SexiestManAlive: **Back the fuck off.

**BoomGoesMyHead: **ISN'T ANYONE GONNA LISTEN TO ME!

**FUCKME: **Not that I'm usually one for listening to Jill, but this could be important.

**BoomGoesMyHead: **Okay, everyone. We've been offered jobs for Saw VIII!

**FUCKME: **Holy shit!

**BoomGoesMyHead: **Yes, it's a prequel to VII, explaining why Lawrence took the job as John's apprentice and why Adam did as well.

**HopelessRomantic: **I TOLD YOU SHIT LIONSGATE PEOPLE I WAS REALLY ALIVE.

**Madi-ness: **Hotness does not die that easily…

**HopelessRomantic: **That's true. No matter how many times I overdosed, I just didn't die. :D

**FUCKME: **Yesh! Am I in it?

**BoomGoesMyHead: **Yus. They're going to provide some sort of back-story for you too.

**SexiestManAlive: **Evan was in the movie for four minutes…

**HopelessRomantic: **But his scream made me want to come. (:

**FUCKME: **O.O

**BoomGoesMyHead: **O.O

**Madi-ness: **:D

**FUCKME: **That's okay, Adam. My house, midnight. Bring your ass. (:

**DISTASTEFUL: **:D

**HopelessRomantic: **I want to write the Saw VIII script my way so bad… Here's how the opening sequence would go.

FADE IN. A gorgeous, slender man in his mid-twenties is lying on a small couch. His eyes are closed, a cigarette in his mouth, an awning overhead. He is completely nude, only a laptop covering his naked crotch. Another man, taller and blonder, stands next to him, fanning him with a large leaf. FADE OUT.

SAW VIII.

A FILM BY ADAM FAULKNER.

_SawSawSawYourFoot has logged on._

**SawSawSawYourFoot: **That's genius. :D

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Inspiration: One day, me and a few friends at my lunch table were talking about the possibility of the opening trap for Saw VIII if they were to make one. I insisted scratching that idea and doing something completely original, and that's what I said. XD


	3. Lady Gaga and Morning Sex

Dedicated to all my Lady Gaga fans out there. I love you, little monsters.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_**JIGSAW'S LAIR**_

_HE ATE MY HEART._

_**Current Members:**_**  
><strong>_DISTASTEFUL—_**John Kramer**_**  
><strong>__HopelessRomantic – _**Adam Faulkner  
><strong>_SawSawSawYourFoot –_**Lawrence Gordon  
><strong>_IAmAwesomeBeotch—_**Amanda Young  
><strong>_SexiestManAlive—_**Mark Hoffman  
><strong>_HappyPills—_**Mallick Scott  
><strong>_BoomGoesMyHead—_**Jill Tuck  
><strong>_FUCKIN'NEEDLES—_**Xavier Chavez  
><strong>_WeirdoInYourCloset—_**Zep Hindle  
><strong>_FUCKME—_**Evan Bennington  
><strong>_Madi-ness—_**Madi Schwem  
><strong>_ZEPISMYBITCH—_**Izzy Fisher  
><strong>_BUTTHEYDID—_**David Faulkner  
><strong>_IKNOWWHOYOUARE—_**Peter Strahm  
><strong>_BadassVixen—_**Lindsey Perez  
><strong>_LittleMownsters—_**Lady Gaga**

_FUCKME has logged in._

_BUTTHEYDID has logged in._

**BUTTHEYDID: **Like, ohmaigosh. (: It's YOUUUU, Evan! :D Have you seen Adam? I've been looking for him all day…

**FUCKME: **Oh, we're roleplaying currently. :D

**BUTTHEYDID: **Oooh~! Fun! (: Wait… He's been gone all day. That doesn't explain some things.

**FUCKME: **We're doing a roleplay where I pretend to be a killer rapist, and I've been lurking outside his apartment all day just to mess with his head. :D

**BUTTHEYDID: **That is AWESOME :D

_HopelessRomantic has logged on._

**HopelessRomantic:** EVAN! GET INSIDE ALREADY SO I CAN BE RAPED!

**FUCKME: **LISTEN. I'M GOING TO COME IN THERE. THEN I'M GOING TO RAPE YOU. THEN I'M GOING TO KILL YOU. THEN I'M GOING TO TAKE YOUR LIFELESS BODY AND BURY IT IN MY GARDEN SO MY ROSES CAN BLOOM NEXT SPRING.

**HopelessRomantic: **Yes! X3 I mean… I mean… No. God help me. Why is this happening?

_SawSawSawYourFoot has logged on._

**SawSawSawYourFoot: **Adam James FAULKNER! You said tonight was my turn to do you…

**FUCKME: **What? No it's not, you douche.

**SawSawSawYourFoot: **Yes it is, you ninny!

**BUTTHEYDID: **Why don't we all take turns fucking Adam? :D

**FUCKME: **… That's not a bad idea.

**SawSawSawYourFoot: **Yes. YES. :D Evan, do you still have that whip I lent you?

**HopelessRomantic: **WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. That's where the damn thing went! You told me it broke!

**SawSawSawYourFoot: **Adam-wonderbunny, you shouldn't be angry at me. You should be happy that we now get to use a whip, and we're going to take turns fucking you our hardest.

**FUCKME: **Aww, my sweet little masochistic Adam. :3

**HopelessRomantic: **Can we listen to Lady Gaga during our LoveGame?

**BUTTHEYDID: **Let's play a LoveGame, let's play a LoveGame.

**FUCKME: **Graaa… I'm beginning to grow tired of Lady Gaga.

**HopelessRomantic: **Evan-Evanjandro, Evan-Evanjandro.

**FUCKME: **YOU BASTARD!

**SawSawSawYourFoot: **Hey, what Lady Gaga song will you play over and over while we have sex?

_BadassVixen has logged on._

**BadassVixen: **Isn't it obvious? Play Paparazzi, since Adam's stalking you is how you two met.

**SawSawSawYourFoot: **And you took money from him! To invade my privacy! How could you do something like that?

**HopelessRomantic: **DON'T LEAVE ME…

**BUTTHEYDID: **Spies have enemies. I'm an orderly…

**FUCKME: **AHHHHH, FUCK ME!

_SexiestManAlive has logged on._

**FUCKME: **Shi-yit.

**SexiestManAlive: **I love how that's the only memorable line you have, Evan.

**BadassVixen: **If it isn't my arch-nemesis. The HoffMAN. I WILL BREAK YOUR NECK AND POUR JELLY ALL OVER YOUR LIFELESS BODY, AND PRAY TO THE GODS OF JELLY THAT YOU BURN IN A JELLY-LIKE HELL! NOW GET THE JELLY!

**SexiestManAlive: **Okay, so I forgot to stock up jelly that one time in the station. Get over it.

**HopelessRomantic: **What are his superpowers? :0

**BUTTHEYDID: **To be a giant dick. (:

**SawSawSawYourFoot: **Yeah, Hoffman is a bit of a dick.

**SexiestManAlive: **You're just jealous of my sexy body!

**BUTTHEYDID: **You know what I just thought of?

**BadassVixen: **Uh. I'm afraid to ask.

**BUTTHEYDID: **Maybe Hoffman could join us in taking turns fucking Adam, and we could play Monster over and over. :D

**HopelessRomantic: **David, I love you. :D

_WeirdoInYourCloset has logged on._

**WeirdoInYourCloset: **Why are you talking about Lady Gaga? o.o I thought I was weird.

**BadassVixen: **That is because, Mr. Hindle, you are weird.

**HopelessRomantic: **HE ATE MY HEART.

**FUCKME: **Oh, fuck me.

**HopelessRomantic: **Okay.

**FUCKME: **I feel like I'm going to share with you guys something I've never told anyone before.

_LittleMownsters has logged in._

_Madi-ness has logged in._

_ZEPISMYBITCH has logged in._

**LittleMownsters: **It's interesting to see how you people behave.

**Madi-ness: **Holy SHIT!

**HopelessRomantic: **!

**Madi-ness: **I found her and begged her to join. (: I meant holy shit, you guys just embarrassed yourselves.

**LittleMownsters: **Ehh, it happens all the time.

**ZEPISMYBITCH: **ZEP!

**WeirdoInYourCloset: **IZZY!

**ZEPISMYBITCH: **WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN! GET HOME SO I CAN STROKE YOUR HAIR!

**WeirdoInYourCloset: **Um. Okay.

_WeirdoInYourCloset has logged out._

**ZEPISMYBITCH: **Madi. :D

**Madi-ness: **Izzeh~!

**LittleMownsters: **I have to go finish making a dress out of intestines. Peace. (:

_LittleMownsters has logged out._

**FUCKME: **When I'm on a date with a girl, I like to spill sprite on my crotch so it looks like I'm wiping off a stain, but I'm really rubbing one out. :D

**SawSawSawYourFoot: **What the… fucking hell?

**HopelessRomantic: **Evan, there are some things you should say to people. Other things you should keep to yourself.

**Madi-ness: **Uh. I agree.

**ZEPISMYBITCH: **-.-

_ZEPISMYBITCH has logged out._

**BUTTHEYDID: **After that, nothing.

_BUTTHEYDID has logged out._

**SawSawSawYourFoot: **Hey Evan. You know how you're respectful of Adam at night?

**FUCKME: **Yurp.

**SawSawSawYourFoot: **Why do you only have morning sex with him?

**HopelessRomantic: **Uh. Yeah. Why?

**FUCKME: **Uh. No reason.

**HopelessRomantic: **Not that it's a bad thing. We'll start our LoveGame first thing tomorrow morning… :D

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Inspiration: Listening to WAY too much Lady Gaga, a roleplay with JigsawsDead for the Morning Sex thing, and other stuff I'm too tired to list… XD


	4. Fwap Fwap Fwap

Just came up with this idea this morning. I'm hoping some of you will know what certain terms mean. XD

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_**JIGSAW'S LAIR**_

_Kill all son's of bitches._

_**Current Members:  
><strong>DISTASTEFUL—**John Kramer  
><strong>HopelessRomantic – **Adam Faulkner  
><strong>SawSawSawYourFoot –**Lawrence Gordon  
><strong>IAmAwesomeBeotch—**Amanda Young  
><strong>SexiestManAlive—**Mark Hoffman  
><strong>HappyPills—**Mallick Scott  
><strong>BoomGoesMyHead—**Jill Tuck  
><strong>FUCKIN'NEEDLES—**Xavier Chavez  
><strong>WeirdoInYourCloset—**Zep Hindle  
><strong>FUCKME—**Evan Bennington  
><strong>Madi-ness—**Madi Schwem  
><strong>ZEPISMYBITCH—**Izzy Fisher  
><strong>BUTTHEYDID—**David Faulkner  
><strong>IKNOWWHOYOUARE—**Peter Strahm  
><strong>BadassVixen—**Lindsey Perez  
><strong>LittleMownsters—**Lady Gaga  
><strong>ModelBitch—**Addison Corday**_

**FUCKIN'NEEDLES **_is playing Left 4 Dead._

**ModelBitch** _is playing Left 4 Dead._

**IKNOWWHOYOUARE **_is playing Left 4 Dead._

**SexiestManAlive **_is playing Left 4 Dead._

**HappyPills **_has logged in._

**FUCKME **_is playing Left 4 Dead._

**HappyPills: **Jesus fuckin' Christ, people. Last time I logged in, you were all playing that game.

**ModelBitch: **If Xavier could just figure out how to shoot a God damn gun and get to the safe house, we'd be done by now.

**FUCKIN'NEEDLES: **Bitch, please! At least I'm not like Strahm! I don't shoot you five thousand times in the back!

**IKNOWWHOYOUARE: **It's Hoffman who's the most horrible of us! Every time he sees The Witch, he purposely runs up and startles her!

**HopelessRomantic **_has logged in._

**HopelessRomantic: **Mark, you fucking dumbass! You're not supposed to startle her! Does the term "instantaneous death" mean anything to you?

**SexiestManAlive: **Hey Adam. Hey-hey-hey Adam. Does the term "getting clean" mean anything to YOU?

**FUCKME: **CRIPES!

**ModelBitch: **Oh, fuck, now the Hunter's pummeling Evan...

**FUCKME: **Xavier, I just saw you walk by! HELP ME UP!

**FUCKIN'NEEDLES: **Nah.

**HappyPills: **XD XD XD XD

**FUCKME: **Dude, I'm incapacitated. FUCK ME.

**SexiestManAlive **_h__as posted a new picture on his profile._

_Evan the Dumbass Being Pummeled By A Hunter from Left 4 Dead._

**HopelessRomantic: **O.o

**HappyPills: **Ahahaha. Looks like you got your JUST DESSERTS, Bennington!

**IKNOWWHOYOUARE: **HOFFMAN.

**SexiestManAlive: **Back the fuck off. Read the papers. I saved that little girl.

**ModelBitch: **If you're not sure, Strahm, he's referring to your candy ass.

**IKNOWWHOYOUARE: **Fuck you.

**FUCKIN'NEEDLES: **The only door you know how to open is between your legs!

**FUCKME: **WOW. I'M FUCKING DEAD. THANKS, YOU CLITS.

**FUCKME **_h__as left the game._

**HopelessRomantic **_has sent _**FUCKME **_a request to play Grand Theft Auto IV._

**FUCKME: **Dude, totally! :D

**FUCKME **_has chosen to accept the request._

**HopelessRomantic **_is playing Grand Theft Auto IV._

**FUCKME **_is playing Grand Theft Auto IV._

**ModelBitch: **That game is just stupid.

**Madi-ness **_h__as logged in._

**Madi-ness: **ADDISON, I WILL BEAT YOU IF YOU MESS WITH MY GAME.

**ModelBitch: **You... You just scare me.

**ModelBitch **_has logged out._

**HopelessRomantic: **Madi, where's Lawrence?

**Madi-ness: **He's still at Costco buying your Cheezits in bulk.

**FUCKME: **SO I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, ADAM? I SEE HOW IT IS.

**HopelessRomantic: **Evan, can I ask why you just torched me with a molotov?

**FUCKME: **You are meeeaaan to me. :0

**HopelessRomantic: **Please, man, your skin is so soft. It takes you committing genocide for me to hate you.

**SexiestManAlive: **Bird Man.

**IKNOWWHOYOUARE: **Mark, to whom are you referring to?

**HappyPills: **ANSWER MEEE!

**SexiestManAlive: **Oh, Evan. Cuz look at his profile picture. His nose is so big I could've sworn it was a beak the first time I met him.

**FUCKME: **You know birds eat worms, right?

**Madi-ness: **OHHH. SOMEBODY GO GET SOME ICE FOR THAT BURN.

**SexiestManAlive:**Evan, you have female parts, right? I think you're on your period.

**FUCKME: **.. How do you know that?

**HappyPills: **WHAT.

**FUCKME: **ADAM WHAT DID YOU TELL HOFFMAN.

**Madi-ness: **Even I knew that and I'm a little slow...

**IKNOWWHOYOUARE: **HOFFMAN DOESN'T HAVE AN ANUS.

**SexiestManAlive: **STRAHM HAS A THIRD NIPPLE.

**FUCKME: **ADAM SLEEPS WITH A STUFFED RACCOON AND MADI IS A NUDIST.

**Madi-ness: **:D

**HopelessRomantic: **EVAN SLEEP-RUNS NAKED, SO YOU CAN HEAR THE FWAP FWAP FWAP FWAP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE APARTMENT. AND HE MASTURBATES ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE.

**FUCKME:** ... I gotta go get the bananas off the top of the fridge.

**FUCKME **_h__as logged out._

**SawSawSawYourFoot **_as logged in. _

**SawSawSawYourFoot: **ADAM. I GOT THE MOZZARELLA CHEEZITS. :D

**SawSawSawYourFoot: **Uh... Hoffman doesn't have an anus?

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Don't even. XD


End file.
